- December 4, 2012
- 5 Comments
Difference Between Prayerful and Neurotic Reflection: Working the Learning Circle with Jesus
I’ve been using a discipleship vehicle at River Valley Church for about 18 months called a huddle. The foundational tool for this discipleship process is the Learning Circle.
The time has come, the kingdom of God is at hand, repent and believe the good news. A fundamental assumption is that “today is the day of salvation” – every day, countless times a day, we are given opportunities/invitations to repent and believe the good news of the kingdom in Jesus. So – in huddle we learn to pay attention to these oppportunities so we can repent and believe. The Learning Circle tool looks like this:
If at this point you’re completely lost, see more on the Learning Circle here. Then come back to this post
The point of right side of the circle is to repent (see this and this post on repentance ). The second ‘step’ on the circle is Reflect. Reflect asks the question “why:” Why did I feel like that? Why did I respond that way? Why does this keep happening? Why is this so hard for me to accept? The point of asking why is to get at the underlying or core issue/belief – what God wants to get his hands on. This all serves the purpose of hearing clearly from the Lord, “What is God saying to me?” So that I can turn toward the truth/reality of his Word and away from the illusion/sin/lie I’m living.
I’ve noticed, though, there are two ways we can reflect:
1. Prayerfully reflect = a conversation with God. I have compassionate concern for myself. I am mindful of what I am feeling/thinking w/o judging or condemning or fixing. I allow myself to be right where I am at b/c “God is so real he can only meet us where we really are.” (Thomas Merton) – My posture is one of curiosity, discovery, and compassionate concern for myself. In this practice I learn to treat myself as though I really believe that it’s the “kindness of the Lord that leads us to repentance” (Rom 2.4; see also 2 Peter 3.9) If we can’t be kind to ourselves in the midst of our desire to repent, then how can we experience the kindness of God? I’ve noticed in my life and in the lives of others that how we treat ourselves indicates who we think God really is AND inhibits how God actually is from entering our lives. Some prayers, phrases I use to prayerfully reflect are:
- “Lord, teach me about ____________”
- “I see this happening Lord and I don’t understand. I need your help.”
- “I long to have your mind and heart on this, but right now I can’t get past this. Come, Lord Jesus. Be present in this now.”
- “I trust your love and acceptance of me in the midst of my failures and shame. Uncover where I need to receive your lordship right now.”
2. Neurotic reflection = looking for the next insight or tool that will fix me, or treating myself as though I have no Savior who loves me. This can turn into ‘navel gazing’ and become hopelessly self-centered, neurotic, and spiritually stifling. When I see a need to repent I am quick to judge and seek a fix to what I THINK my problem is. I end up telling myself what to do and never really repent b/c I never enter into a dialogue with Jesus to gain the “mind of Christ.” I miss out on what God is saying to me b/c I can’t get past what I’m saying to myself. And usually what I say to myself in neurotic reflection sounds like this:
- “I’m such an idiot! I can believe I did this (again).”
- “If I could just try harder next time this won’t happen (again).”
- “God, I don’t know why you love me and put up with me. If I feel sorry enough will you forgive me?”
Prayerful reflection trusts the character and work of Jesus more than whatever sin I’ve committed.
Neurotic reflection trusts my sinful character and work more than the righteousness of Jesus.
Prayerful reflection leads to bearing fruit, abiding in Christ, obedience, surrender, and the fruit of the Spirit (joy…peace…patience)
Neurotic reflection leads to a harsh, critical posture with ourselves that spills over into others. Pressure mounts to conform, anger at sin is wrapped in self-loathing.
Prayerful reflection understands that grace, love, forgiveness come to us in an experience with Jesus.
Neurotic reflection keeps grace, love, and forgiveness safely distant as ideas and concepts we have to try harder to believe in.
What is your experience with repentance?
Can you relate to the distinction of prayerful vs. neurotic reflection? What words would you put to your experience?
What am I missing here? Any questions?
Categorized: Confession/Repentance, Huddle, Uncategorized Tags:Tags: 3DM, Discipleship, Mike Breen, Repentance, The Learning Circle, Thomas Merton
This is profound. I can relate. When I am engaging in “neurotic reflection” I generally think of it in terms of forgetting who I am and who God is. I’ll generally return to scripture via the use of ‘truth sheets’ during some of these moments (http://rockadoodee.com/categories/truth-sheet). Even then, the undertow of neurotic reflection is often difficult to swim out from; especially if we have theological (rational) paradigms that inhibit us from experiencing some of the experiential aspects our our relationship with God.
Dan –
Great thoughts. Totally agree with you. I have found that most of my neurotic reflection is born out of wounds, wickedness, or warfare. That is, hurt done to me or by me, either now or in the past. Often in the process of acknowledging I’m not believing who God says he is and who God says I am, God will give me a memory or picture I need to talk with him about. This has born lots of fruit in my life.
Random question… does the name Dr. Karl Lehman mean anything to you?
Dan –
Not random at all. I know Lehman’s work fairly well – practiced Immanuel Prayer and read Outsmarting Yourself. Do you?
Ohhhh yes I can relate to this! I actually wrote out part of my testimony and it’s quite relevant to what you’ve posted here. (You can read my testimony here: http://lifeonthefringe.org/the-book/.)
The moment where I dared to believe that God really meant what he said – that I am a new creation, that he loves me, that his mercies are new every day, that I am justified through Jesus (and not by works) – that moment was the start of my healing journey. I look back and realize that there was no hope for true change until I stopped the neurotic reflection and embraced the gift of salvation. Just like what Matt and Christine shared at church the other week, I had grown up in the church but I never truly understood the reality of the Gospel in my life until about two years ago. And that has made all the difference!!